Fleetmack.com - Casey the Psycho

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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something." --Emo Philips

Casey the Psycho

It was a Thursday night, December 23, 1999 to be exact. I was out at Hunky Dory's with the Dedham clan, it was pretty dead at the bar as it was almost Christmas break and most people didn't stick around Ames for that time. So I'm at the bar and we just get loaded - absolutely loaded. I'm pretty damn close to passed out when Tom says to me "Hey Mack, that blonde chick is looking at you." I look up at her and see this hot ass blonde chick, and sure enough, she's looking at me and smiling. Tom says "I'm going to go ask her to dance with you." My belligerent self utters to him "Youuuuu donttt have the baaaalls." That sentence took me like 30 seconds to say I think. So Tom leaves and I put my head down on the table to pass out. Well, time flies when you're passed out so I don't know how long had elapsed, but the next thing I know, I'm sitting up and this blond is standing in front of me smiling all cute and shy and says "Do you want to dance with me?" I say yes and we stumble down the stairs to the dancefloor.

After dancing for awhile we head back up to her table where her friends are at. I'm still just smashed and I start making out with her at the table. I get her phone number and tell her I'm going to call her, but then I had a better idea, I was (and still am) pretty immature and just wanted some sex at the time, I mean come on, I was 20 years old - what do you expect?! I say "Can you drive me home? My friends left me." She says "Your friends are right there." And she points to Tom. I tell her that they aren't really my friends, they are just some guys I met at the bar that night as my friends had left before I even met her. This girl is obviously stupid so she decideds that it's ok to drive me home, but her friends have to follow us there. So when we get in the car, I start lying again as it's just she and I in one car and all her other friends in the other car. I tell her that they already left and we have to floor it to catch up to them. I start telling her "turn left, hurry we got to catch them!" So eventually, we lost her friends - mission 1 accomplished!

So we get back to my house and she now realizes that she lost her friends and she wanted to drive home, she lived about 20 miles north of Ames in Roland. So I tell her that her friends will probably just drive by my house so she should come in and leave her car in the driveway so they will see it. I was the only one home as all my roomies were back at their parents' places for Christmas. So we go inside....yadda yadda yadda.....and before you know it it's the next morning. I already had her number and fully intended to call her shortly after Christmas, so I kissed her goodbye and she went on her way.

Two weeks go by and I decide to call her up. So I call her and we start making small talk, the kind you make when someone else is in the room and you don't want them to know who your talking to or what you're talking about. I can tell by the way she's acting that she has a boyfriend and he's probably right next to her. Sure as the day is light and night is dark, he grabs the phone from her. He says "Casey has a boyfriend" and hangs up on me. I immediately call back and he answers, I say "I'm sorry, we were disconnected accidentally I believe. Is Casey there?" He says "Fuck you!" I say "Nope, already did that to your girlfriend. Adios." And I hung up. Pretty witty for me, I'm usually not that quick. I figured this story was over, in fact, for over a year I thought this story was over - I was wrong.

It's now the next January (2001) and I hadn't seen or heard from Casey since her boyfriend snatched the phone from her as mentioned in the above paragraph. So it's about 9 in the morning and the phone starts ringing. I look at the caller ID as it was right by my bed and it says "Sally Beauty Supply". I'm like "What the hell?" So out of sheer curiosity I pick up the phone.
Girl: Is Bryan There?
Me: Speaking
Girl: Do you remember me?
Me: (I honestly said this) Well, it usually helps if I have a name before I can answer that question dumbass.
Girl: It's Casey
Me: (not having a clue who she is) OH! How's it going?
Girl: Fine, it's been awhile
Me: Yeah, when did I see you last, again?
Girl: (sounding like she thinks I'm retarted) Christmas Eve morning last year when i left your house after Hunky Dorys
Me: (fully realizng now who this is) OH YEAH!! Sorry, didn't really remember who you were at first. What's up?
Girl: I want to go out with you this weekend.

So we make plans to go out. She didn't remember where I lived (luckily) and didn't want me to come pick her up, so she decided that we should just meet somewhere. She suggests this gas station on the East side of town right by Cub Foods, so we set a day and time and prepare to meet - I tell her I have a green accord so look for that. I arrive about 10 minutes early and park in the back of the gas station lot. My windows were fully tinted at this time so there was no seeing in my car. 20 minutes goes by, so she's now about 10 minutes late. A silver mustang with 2 guys in it pulls up about 2 inches from Laetitia (my car). They stare in my car trying to see in through the tint. I quickly gather a hypothesis as to what is going on here and start getting worried, I lock my doors. One of the guys gets out of the car and walks in front of my car, so he could get a looksie through the windshield to see if there was anybody in the car or not, I duck down as he walks by. Mind you it is about 8p.m. in the winter - VERY dark outside. So as soon as he gets in the gas station (he got a pop or something) I take off and try to get the fuck out of dodge. This guy sprints out of the gas station to his car and floors it right on my ass - yeah, as much as I hate them, Mustangs have way more balls than a 4 banger Accord. I call some friends and tell them I'm about to get jumped and I may need help if I can't lose these guys. Well, my superior driving skills and knowledge of the messed up city streets over by where Joelle (girl I just got done dating) lived helped me in my time of need. I was able to lose them and get home.

I get home and Hornick, Meiners, Paco, and Hornick's dad are sitting there having a beer or three. I tell them the story and we all get prepared to jump these guys in case they should find the house and come over. Nothing happens. About 10 days later, same thing. Early morning, phone rings, caller ID says "Sally Beauty Supply" (where Casey worked) so I pick it up. No hello, no "hi, how are you", I pick up the phone and say "What's your fucking problem you little cunt? Trying to set me up?" She plays stupid and says "What?" I say "Where the hell were you? You stood me up and sent your boyfriend for me?" She says "No, I had car problems and didn't have your phone number as it was at work, this is the first chance I had to call you. I'm sorry." I bitch her out for awhile and this stupid whore actually has the nerve to ask me out again! She says "Let's just meet at your house this time." I say "not a chance." I have a plan in mind by this point, I tell her I'll meet her outside of her place of work on whichever night and time we picked. This time I was going to bring backup. I grab a tire iron and my mag light and call some friends to follow me there. We plan on getting rowdy with these dipshits. This is where I get stumped. Casey shows up, alone. I see her and she sees my car and walks up to it and lets herself in. My friends are in the other car about 10 parking spots away, I look over at them and they're very confused, as am I. She gets in my car and kisses me on the cheek and says "Thanks for giving me another chance." At this point I'm stumped. I tell her I have to go talk to a friend so I got out of the car and told my buddies if I needed them I'd call them, but I think it was ok.

I am utterly confused at this point, did she really want to go on a date with me? What the hell happened last week with her ex-boyfriend? Was that in fact her ex-boyfriend? If so, why was he chasing me? And why did she tell him when and where she was meeting me? So many unanswered questions and I didn't ask her one of them as I had one thing on my mind. It ends in "ex" and begins with the letter between R and T. Take a guess what I wanted. Yeah I know, I was lame when I was 20.

So I have no clue at this point just how oddly bizarre this woman is. She wasn't as hot as my beer goggles had remembered, but she was definately attractive.
Me: Do you want to get something to eat?
Casey: No, not really, I'm on a diet (aenorexic).
Me: Do you want to go to a movie?
C: Noooooo
me: Want to go to a bar?
C: No, i'm not a big bar go-er
Me: Well what do you want to do then?
C: (with a coy smile leading me to believe she just wants some lovin') Offer some more suggestions
Me: My roomates are gone, we can just go to my place
C: No
Me: Mini-Golf?
C: Nooooooo (sounding like a dumb blonde, which she was)
Me: Well what do you want to do?
C: Let's just drive around for awhile.
Me: Good enough.

She lights up a cigarette. Little cunt smoked two packs of cigarettes in my car that night, it reeked for like a month, that was the last time I let anyone smoke a cig in that thing. So we start driving around, I figured I'd bring her someplace cool so we could fool around a bit. We go to all sorts of cool places on gravel roads that I know of. We go all the way back to Hobbes and Rainbow Bridge back by Carroll. We went over the mile-long bridge over Saylorville Lake in Polk City, we went to Camp David and sat on the tanks, we went everywhere, but this stupid little indecisive whore couldn't make up her mind what to do! Every time I brought up an idea of something to do she'd say "no"!

It's now about 3 in the morning, we've been driving around for 7 hours and I'm sick of it. I drive back to her car, we kiss, and I say "Ok, I need to go home now." She won't get out of the car, she keeps saying "But I feel like doing something." I'm baffled and I'm about to lose it at this point. I give it one more try, I say "Well, you're welcome to come back to my place with me." She starts right where she left off "Noooooo". I lose it. "What the hell do you want to do?! Just fucking tell me what you want from me? Do you have any idea how confused I am right now?!" She says "well, I just feel like doing something now." I say "Casey, it's 3 in the morning. We have 3 choices of what we can do. We can go to my place. We can go walk around Hy-Vee (24 hour grocery store), or we can go to Wal-Mart. So which do you want to do?" She looks pissed and says "Can't we just drive around some more and talk?" I tell her no as I'm sick of driving around as we'd been in the car for 7 hours! She then says "I need to ask you something."
Me: Sure, go ahead
C: A lot of people think this is weird, I just want to see if you think it's weird
Me: Shoot.
C: Well, I don't want to go home because I live with my ex-boyfriend still and he's going to be pissed that I was out with you
Me: Understandable. Why do you live with him yet?
C: It's not my choice.
Me: Sure it is, you can move out or tell him to move out
C: It's more complicated than that
Me: Why?
C: It just is. It'd cause major family problems, moreso than it has ...
Me: uhmmmm, ok
C: You see, it's like this. A lot of people think this is kind of weird
Me: What? Just tell me
C: Well, my mom got remarried when I was little, and my ex-boyfriend is her husband's son
Me: Your ex-boyfriend is your step-brother?!
C: Yes, do you think that's weird
Me: Noooooooo (sounding very sarcastic)
C: Humph, see, why is it so weird?! (my thoughts = BECUASE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS YOUR BROTHER YOU TWISTED BITCH!)
Me: I need to go home now
C: Can't we talk some more
Me: No
C: Let's just talk
Me: NO! I want to go home and go to bed!
C: I don't want to go home
Me: THEN DON'T!! I told you you're welcome to stay at my place, I have a couch.
C: I don't want to go to your place
Me: (VERY PISSED at this point) Look - get the fuck out of my car now or I will never talk to you again. Just take your smokes and get as far away from this car as possible, NOW!
C: Why are you mad at me?
Me: Becuase you're the most annoying, disrespectful, indecisive person I've ever met! Get out of this car!
C: Can I call you?
Me: If you leave right now, yes, you can call me. But if you don't get the fuck out of my car right now I swear to God I'm going to lose it in about 10 seconds and I will never talk to you again.
C: (kisses me on the cheek) Bye!

You've never seen me drive home so fast in my life. This chick was crazy and all I wanted to do was get as far away from her as possible. Fast! So she calls me every single day about 8 or 9 times the next week on my cell phone. I never answer it. Finally after about 80 phone calls to me I decided I need to get this crazy bitch to quit calling me, so I answer the phone. She says "why are you avoiding my calls." I say "To be perfectly honest, I don't like you and don't want to see you or talk to you again. I don't say this to be cruel, but just to be honest. I don't like you." She starts crying and ripping her heart out to me. She tells me that I was the only person in the past 4 years who has been nice to her. She tells me that she broke up with her boyfriend the week before we met at Hunkys and that was the only time she had been out of her house other than for work, was that night at hunky's. Are you fucking kidding me?! In 13 months she hadn't left her house!? So she trusted me and wanted to get out and do some stuff. Me, being a little pussy, I start to feel sorry for her. She says "Can we just go out Friday night again?" Out of pity, I say "Ok, but on one condition. We ARE NOT driving around all night and I want to know beforehand what you want to do becuase you were driving me nuts the other night saying 'no' to every suggestion I came up with." She says "Can't we just drive around and talk again?" My jaw drops and I lose it. "You know what Casey, no - we cannot drive around. In fact, we're not going to see each other and you're not going to ever call me again. I'm sorry about your life, and your brother/boyfriend and everything, but I don't want anything to do with you, please just leave me alone. Goodbye." And I hang up.

For the next month, my phone rings about 20 times a day, it's Casey each time. I never answer. Each message she leaves me she's crying and begging me to call her back. If a genie came out of a bottle (not Christina Aguilera) and granted me 3 wishes, one of my wishes would be to have those messages so I could post them online. I'm serious, this is www.psychoexgirlfriend.com material we're talking about here. It was classic, they made me laugh at her tears of pain and unacceptance. Thank God that ended, I started going out with Becky like a week later - her head wasn't messed up!

And thus was the story of Casey, the psychotic trampy indecisive bitch.