Fleetmack.com - Random Thoughts

Logo

"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something." --Emo Philips

Random Thoughts, by Bryan Mack

10-28-02

Oh the world of random thouhts. I wish I could expand on these thoughts, but there's just no more to them then the 2 or 3 sentences it takes to get my point across. Welcome to the world of random thoughts, by Bryan L. Mack.

I thought of this LONG before the new sting of McDonald's commericals - just ask Adam Pieper or Craig Brightwell if you don't believe me. McDonald's characters - Birdie is a bird, she signifies chicken. The fry guys represent french fries. The HamBurgler steals hamburgers. What the hell is grimace supposed to be? A big purple blob? Is that McDonald's pre-processed meat?

Strippers rule. I used to wait tables - I'd bring a salad and drink to somebody and they'd tip me $2. And that was simple to do, bring a salad and drink. But a stripper on the other hand, for a measley $1, they take off all their clothes, disgrace themselves, and sit on your lap for a minute or so. I'd personally rather make twice as much by bringing a salad to somebody. It's fun to laugh at strippers more than anything.

I'm definately not insecure about anything, but why must all men over the age of 50 walk around gym locker rooms stark naked? It's like their sole point is to walk around naked so everyone has to look at their retired asses. I mean honestly. They get to their locker after showering and put on a shirt and socks before they get their underwear back on, every guy on earth should agree with me that they do this. They make sure to not dry off in the shower, drip water all across the locker room while carrying their towel, then when they get back to their locker, they dry off. What's the point of bringing your towel to the shower if you don't use it until you get back to your locker? Man - it drives me nuts!

FORD stands for Fix Or Repair Daily or Fucked Over Rebuilt Dodge. Period.

As I said - I've waited tables, so when I tip, I tip well - but nobody deserves a tip for strictly waiting on me. If I feel that by getting off my ass I could get my food and drink faster and I'd have been better off without a server, you get no tip. If I tip you and it's about 8% - that means you really suck, don't take it out on me or get mad - you just suck and need to improve your attitude. If you need to get by on tips and struggle with how much you get, get a job with steady pay. If you do a good job and keep me happy, you will get 25% for a tip evey time, but you don't get tipped for just "doing your job" - you must go above and beyond (unless i know you and you wait on me, then you get tipped for being my friend)

Reading is the most important thing you can do in your free time. Not Maxim or Playboy (although I will always read both) - but you need to go buy a copy of Plato's The Last Days of Socrates and no human should live without having read Walden Two at least 7 times. Read biographies of your heroes and read on topics you hate, you'll be surprised at what you can learn. And don't' just sit around and watch the history channel and E! True Hollywood Story - you don't get the whole picture there.

If it's on the internet and you read it, you better not belive it unless it has the fleetmack.com seal of approval. 98% of all things on the internet are false - like this statement itself? Something to think about.

Going to Church is fantastic for those who listen and go for the right reasons. If you daydream in Church or find yourself reciting things like a zombie, stop going. Prayer is strong and you must do it, but if you do it in your own way or on your own time, that is 1000 times better than trivially sitting in a building for one hour a week. But Prayer and faith are the foundations on which life is built, so do it or you will never be a complete person, no matter how strong, cocky, cool and "with-it" you are - you need it. Don't try to save your image, you're not impressing anyone.

Gay men like guys. That's pretty messed up in my opinion and you will never change that opinion for me. Sure they still have every right to do everything in life that I do, no rights shall be stripped of them and I will be nice and polite to them. But the fact that men like other men in that way is sick. No, I don't understand it, never will - but no, I won't deprive you of anything in life except for my rear end and penis. I am not homophobic becuase I dont' like talking about gay people about the gay lifestyle, I'm normal for not wanting to listen to your disgusting anal gay love stories. You're a person, I'm a person - you just have a sick choice. Do I deprive the rights of those who drive Ford's? No - same thing. A horrible, sick, and disgusting choice.

If a song came out tomorrow and I liked it and played it for you, 90% of you wouldn't like it. But 2 weeks later when it's on MTV and the radio and it has naked women on the video - the whole country will love it and deny the fact they ever disliked it.

Sean Combs is not P.Diddy. Jennifer Lopez is not J-Lo. Alex Rodriguez is not A-Rod. When did this stupid trend start? Am I B. Macky? Am I B-Ma? Is my idol's name C-Tay? And anohter thing, the rappers that are all alike - J.T. Money, Ja Rule, Jay Z - why do they all begin with J? Whew, mind boggling. I guess puffy should change his name to J.DiddyPuffMan or something in about a year to keep himself fresh.

What ever happend to Mase, Puffy's conterpart in the post-biggie-dead days? Is he in speech therapy school? If he is, dont' count on him graduating until 2012, he needed major help in that department.

Too many people are getting engaged these days, quit it .... (*scratching forehead trying to think when they should quit it*) ................................NOW! I'm beginning to get jealous.

If you're "that couple" that everyone hates to be around and are always fighting - just call the relationship off already. Don't be afraid to end it stricly becuase you've been together for too long. Props to Hart in this department. It's for the best, realize it now and get over it (i know - easier said than done)

Stop reading this becuase they're not as funny towards the bottom of the page as the first 2 are, man you're stupid for reading this yet. I guess I'll have to make the one 3 below this pretty funny so you have the urge to keep reading.

I am smarter than you and am always right. Why are you always wrong? Get with the program, I will out-argue you any day of the week, so even if you're right - I will be right becuase I can argue good.

Ferris Bueller is a genius. The man had a gorgeous girlfriend, used his computer to fool the school, drove a ferrari all day, had a very loyal best friend, skipped school to live life, lived in the city, loved his family and friends, and had one of the best quotes of all time..."Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you'll miss it". Genius.

Damn, this one was supposed to be funny. Tough - if you want something funny, read my rants page, it's not really funny, but most of you seem to think so.