Fleetmack.com - What I Learned From Breaking My Ankle

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"Sometimes you've gotta voice your opinions, or you're better off dead." --Nothingface - Murder is Masturbation

Breaking an Ankle to Understand
11-02-2005
by Bryan Mack

The following story is what we think happened, not 100% positive as it all went so fast:

On August 26, 2005, Matthew Renze and I were standing outside of Croc's Mexican Grill in downtown Denver waiting for my friend Riki and Ian. As we waited there, a fight broke out. After helping in separating the two groups, we thought the potential fight we were stopping had been prevented. However, all hell broke loose as one guy ran for another guy, hit him in the face, and started repeatedly kicking him (as re-enacted at the actual scene of the crime by Crystal). I felt it was my duty to stop this, so I pulled the guy off him (as re-enacted at the actual scene of the crime by Crystal) The next thing I know, a punch is thrown at a guy, he dodges, and I'm hit. I fall back into the street (as re-enacted, again, by Crystal, at the actual scene of the crime), down a 1' high curb (that is not an exaggeration - here's a photo of the actual curb ... what happened to the newspaper machine? I wonder if I hit it that night, I took this picture 2 1/2 months after the event). My face is covered in blood, and I can't walk. I can only assume someone was standing on my foot as I was punched, because I went to the doctor 3 days later and sure enough, I had broken my ankle. A spiral fracture up my lower fibula had me handicapped for the first time in my life. Several pictures of this event can be found here.

The doctor initially told me it'd be 6-8 weeks on crutches. I begged for a cam-boot instead of a permanent cast, this is my right leg and I need to be able to drive to work. At least a boot is removable, but with a cast, I'd be screwed. The novely of crutches wore out by the time I got back to my car and it was time to let the healing begin. Fast forward to October 20, 2005. It's now 8 weeks and 6 days since the incident and this is my first day off crutches. I still have a spiral fracture. Here is the x-ray taken today:
http://www.fleetmack.com/images/2005/oct/2_highlighted.JPG

The doc says I need 6 more weeks of time. No running, no snowboarding, no weights -- nothing.

Bushwick Bill is a rapper 4'8" tall. One night Bushwick got drunk and made his girlfriend shoot him, and it cost him his eye. In a song he wrote about the incident, he stated, "It's fucked up, I had to lose an eye to see shit clearly." I just thought it'd be fitting for me to tell you what I've all learned from this experience:

--Lotion feels incredible under your arms.
--People who park in handicapped spots who a) don't need it b) do so illegally .... need to have their licenses immediately revoked.
--Businesses without push-button doors (handicapped accessible) need to take their disabled patrons more seriously and install some new doors.
--Elevators and escaladors kick ass.
--My triceps are the strongest muscle in my body.
--When people park so close to you that you can't open your door, well that just sucks if you have to put a boot back on and get crutches out of your car.
--It's nice to have a sweet & loving girl who will take you grocery shopping.
--Don't ever try to drive with a cam boot on, you will accidentally press the gas pedal when you're stopped and almost run into a wall.
--Driving an automatic vehicle with 2 feet is a lot easier than it seems, and it's very hard to convert back to being a "one foot driver".
--Alcohol strongly impairs your ability to use crutches efficiently.
--It's surprisingly easy to watch the entire first season of Lost on DVD in a 3 day time span if you put your mind to it.
--Crutches and loose wires just don't mix.
--People with handicapped things in their rear-view mirror are bad drivers, 100% of the time, including me.
--I sure hope my stellar driving skills return, I'm a worse driver than Schau right now. Ok, maybe not that bad.
--People will always forget that you can't walk as fast as them any more, so when you get the chance to be faster than someone, take it, it's a huge ego boost.
--I don't understand how some people don't work out, it is driving me insane not having it as an option.
--You can do quite a few exercises with (2) 35lb dumbells -- practically a whole body workout.
--Foot and calf muscles deteoriate fast.
--If you're too lazy to make food and you go buy fast food ... realize that's a luxury to be able to drive.
--Stairs (defined): Things I never want to see again.
--Sonic kicks ass. You can eat in their drive though so you don't have to carry bags and a drink back up stairs to work or home.
--People who sit in the handicapped section at the Avalanche games at the Pepsi center who aren't handicapped need an ice pick shoved in their ear.
--Standing up for 3 hours straight with all your weight on your left leg at all times at a Foo Fighters concert proves to be very difficult.
--There sure isn't a lot on TV on Friday and Saturday nights.
--The Great American Beer Fest is, by all means, worth going to under any circumstances.
--Beer holsters can be tied to your crutches very easily, and they are 100% effective.
--Opening and propping doors open with your crutch comes with time, but closing doors with your crutch - that takes talent.
--If you notice a wet spot on a hardwood floor, GO AROUND!!
--People actually can slip on banana peels, especially outside Chipotle in Wheatridge, Colorado.
--A bathroom can get really messy in 9 weeks.
--Scuffs on linoleum from a cam boot are easy to make. In contrast, they are difficult to remove.
--I will challenge anyone to a talent competition or race involving crutches ... any time, any place, you name it. You'll lose. I will win.
--Don't wear a bracelet when you use crutches, it will break. I'd bet the same goes for watches.
--If you ever see a guy with crutches, don't ever, under any circumstances, ask him what he did to himself. He'll appreciate it more than you can imagine.
--If you ever see someone injured, don't ever, under any circumstances, tell an anecdote of an injury you or a friend had in the past.
--X-Rays can hurt. It's ok to tell the x-ray technician, "Hey, it's not supposed to bend like that right now!! It's BROKEN!". They'll listen.
--That doesn't mean they let you off the hook, you still have to bend it that way. Bastards.
--$30 co-pays at Kaiser Permanente certainly add up quickly.
--Backpacks kick ass, and you can carry a 35lb dumbell in one, up stairs, if you're that motivated to work out.
--Watching Iowa State beat Iowa (and not letting them score a TD) from a couch is cool, but not as cool as it is when you're at the Sport's Column or tailgating.
--I never go them, but I'd imagine some soft padding for the top of crutches would be worth every penny.
--Panhandlers and flyer-giver-outer-people don't solicit handicapped people.

Take note of all this, until you live on crutches for 9 weeks, you may never know these things. Luckily I'm not selfish and choose to share this with you all.

Thoughts and comments should be directed here