Fleetmack.com - Random Thoughts IV

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"This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty." --Mitch Hedberg

Random Thoughts Part IV
by Bryan Mack
02-05-2004

There's always one guy in a restaurant I hate. It's the guy who, when a server drops a plate or breaks a glass, points and laughs or starts applauding. Just don't worry about it, the girl is already pretty damn embarassed, just let it go! If you drop something do I clap at you? Exception to the rule: If something is dropped or broken by Tiff at Old C's on 120th and Sheridan, becuase that's usually funny and she's usually the first to laugh.

Whenever I'm in my bathroom, I'm pissed off. Whether I'm taking a shower, brushing my teeth, whatever, I'm pissed. I walk in the bathroom turn on my radio (KBPI) and one second later, as it kicks in, I HEAR LINKIN PARK! I turn it to 93.3, I HEAR LINKIN PARK!! I think as a joke somebody found out I detest linkin park and they installed some sort of tracking device in my bathroom (and car because the same thing happens there too), as soon as I walk in, the tracker sends a notice to all radio stations within antenna's range and informs them to immediately start playing Linkin Park. This is getting out of hand. One time I thought I was lucky, I didn't think I was listening to Linkin Park as there was a girl singing. Then I realized that Linkin Park + Girl Singer = Evanesence. This falls into the Dave Matthes vs. John Mayer comparison I made 2 years ago. Which is worse? Linkin Park or someone trying to be like Linkin Park that is even worse? Ok, my New Year's Resolution last year was to stop bitching about shitty music, so I'll stop now. No I won't, I just don't understand why you people like and buy Linkin Park and Evanescense but not the Deftones? What the fuck is wrong with you?! I can understand why someone wouldn't like Slipknot or Rammstein, but if you don't like the Deftones - you have mental problems. Seriously. You better get padded walls.

I was on a flight the other day and each seat had its own TV on the back of the seat, with 29 real-time channels you could pull in from a satellite. This TV is on from the moment I get on the plane until the second I get off. It pulls in signals from outside the plane. My question to you is, why on earth do I have to turn off my MP3 player during takeoff when we can pull in satellite TV at the same time? How is my MP3 player honestly going to interfere with anything the TV would not?

Kobe's wife is more stupid than he is. She can be and has been bought. He cheats on her, and obviously didn't tell her about it until he was caught. Does she think he only did this one time? Ridiculous. So Kobe buys her a $4 million ring, she sticks around. What a dumb bitch, why would you want to A) Marry a basketball player, the worst of all athletes and stupidest of all sports, or B) Stay married to someone who cheats on you? She can't even answer "for the money" becuase you know if they divorced she'd get a great settlement. Point being: he's a jackass for cheating on her regardless if guilty or not, you do not cheat on your wife, girlfriend, or anyone. This is completely beside the fact that he may have raped a woman. And she's equally stupid for not realizing this.

I've noticed lately that you can get away with parking most anywhere if you just put your hazard lights on. Handicapped spots, fine. Yellow zones, fine. By a fire hydrant, fine. If you have your hazard lights on, people think you'll be back in 2 seconds. I remember in college our landlord in our Delaware Ave. apt. called a tow truck to tow me, but I saw it out the window. (I parked on the lawn of the apartment complex as there was no spots left when I arrived home the previous evening) I sprinted to my car in my boxers in like 20 degree weather, got in my car and started it and drove away while the guy was getting the chain ready to attach to my car. He was yelling at me to come back. Yeah right, dipshit, let me come right back there so you can tow my car. What did I care if he got paid or not? It saved me $60!

I have two people in this world I truly hate, and I'd be willing to bet any money it's not you. They are both people I know personally, one of which I associate with occasionally (not by choice) and the other I will likely (and hopefully) never see again. I will never speak badly of either publically as it's my business. Point being, those (they) are the only things (people) in life I truly hate. And to further break down this thought -- and the utmost point and purpose of this paragraph - never take me seriously when I say I hate something or somebody. Unless it's Linkin Park, that is. By the way, if Linkin Park beats out Stone Sour for a grammy this year, there'll be hell to pay.

Why do I love Denver? Let me sum up for you what I did in 2003. Rode my snowboard about 20 times. Atteneded an all day beach party, aka, Boulder Kinetics, Saw Stone Sour, Powerman 5000, Ra, Foo Figheter, Blues Traveler, Radiohead, Deftones, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, and Chimaira in concert without driving more than 10 minutes. White Water Rafted. Mountain Biked on a mountain. Ran a 10K at 5800 feet elevation in 47 minutes. Attteneded 5 Rockies games. Attended 4 Avalanche games. Attended 2 Nuggets games. Attended 1 Broncos (vs. Seahawks) game. Gambled at a casino without driving more than 45 minutes. Rode an Alpine Slide. Climbed 14,000 foot mountains. Had to yield for Elk and Bighorn Sheep. I can go on and on. Number of these things I ever did while in college: 0 (I snowboarded once). I've realized life is getting funner with age.

It goes in patterns. I'm addicted to Tetris, then FreeCell, then Minesweeper, then Pitfall. Currently it's Minesweeper. I rule at that game. Tyler and I used to bet 40oz's on who could get the best score by the time we were off work at Panel Components. We were perfectly even I think, but never paid off a bet. This reminds me, I lost a bet to Josh, then won a bet with Josh. We didn't pay each other off. I'm even with Schau on the 200 Hawks/'Clones bets we've placed. Come to think of it - I'm not sure if I've ever paid off a bet I lost. Point: Don't bet with me. You'll probably win, but I probably won't pay you.

This lo-carb craze is driving me up the walls. Sure, it's all part of the diet plan I listed which keeps you from becoming morbidly obese, but seriously...people have to be too damn stupid. So I know this is all contradictary to what I've said in the past - but look at Jared, that fool lost like 200lbs by eating subway all day every day. I really hate to tell you this, but the bread on those sandwiches is loaded with, drumroll please. CARBS! See! You CAN lose weight and still eat carbs! If you go to McDonalds or Jack In The Box and order a hamburger with no bun, you're still going to put on weight beause it's LOADED with fat! If you drink 8 Michelob Ultra's (aka, water) you're still consuming an additional 800 calories. An additional 800 calories will assist in obesity regardless of the fact that only a small percentage of those calories may be carbs. Wendy's or some fast food chain has a commercial out right now for a value meal with only 8 grams of carbs - go to their website and count the fat grams. It's somewhere around 60 I guarantee it. Since when can you just ignore fat? People - wake the fuck up, you can't just look at calories alone. You can't look at carbs alone. You can't look at fat alone. The ONLY way you're going to lose weight is by burning more calories than you consume. So get off your fat ass, exercise, and stop whining about my beer having an extra 30 grams of carbs in it. I don't give a fuck becuase I work out for at least an hour each day.

There are 4 of items I want to discuss that are frequently purchased in music stores. Blank tapes. Blank CD's. Pre-Recorded Music Tapes. Pre-Recorded Music CD's. Blank tapes run you roughly $1.50/ea for 60minutes of recording time. A blank CD you can get for less than a quarter. Yet a Pre-Recorded tape costs about $8.99, while a pre-recorded CD costs you $16.99. What the hell is up with that? Tapes are obviously more expensive to make and all that, why are CD's cheaper when blank but more expensive when purchased pre-recorded?

We've all seen the commercials for the "Dodge Hemi" engine. Now let's hear an honest answer here - how many of you had ever heard of a Hemi until these commercials came around? I never had. I'd guess maybe 1 in 1000 people knew about this. This poses 2 questions to me. The first being "Why do they call it the 'Hemi Legend' on the commercials when nobody ever heard of it before?" Aren't legends pretty widely known tales? The second question is - how bad are they duping us? Nobody knows what it is, we just know that Dodge thinks it's a great engine. Don't get me wrong - it could be a fantastic engine, but for all I know, they could have bought it out of the back of a comic book. They could advertise "The new dodge with the Schremmage engine (word I just made up)". Sure enough, 2 weeks later, people who don't know the first thing about engines (me) would be in the store saying "Now I do like this Durango, but does it have a Schremmage in it? Becuase I don't want it if it doesn't." Point being: Dodge shouldn't be advertising and building up something by the name if nobody's heard of it in the first place. Tell us what it does, not what it's named.