Fleetmack.com - More Short Thoughts

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"I feel bad for Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting." --Brian Regan

More short thoughts by me, Bryan Mack
01-13-03

I still have a tendency to think of some totally random things now and then, some of them are just thoughts that Honda would use on its stupid Civic commercials (What will you think about when you don't have to worry about your car?), others are things that just flat out upset me.

First off, I was discussing this with Nic and Spitter the other day. If you are a person with just one arm or leg, you shouldn't say "I only have a left leg" or "I only have a right arm." You only have one limb, so this doesn't make it left or right. I don't say "I only have a left penis."

Doonesbury was, is, and always will be the best comic strip in the world. This is closely followed by Dilbert.

Drinking water while at work is a great and easy thing you can do in life. I sit at my desk for 8 hours a day doing a rather diverse amount of tasks. First off - it is great for your metabolism to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. I bring my Dean's List mug from college with me to work (it's about 25oz or so) and just fill it over and over all day. Not only does this help my metabolism, but it makes the day go faster:
1) I get up from my desk about once an hour to fill my mug of water, so it gives me a break from work
2) As a result of heavy water drinking, I have to piss about 6 times a day at work - hence, getting a break from work
3) The water cooler gets empty becuase I drink all the water in it, so I have to go change the water things around, this gives me a break from work
4) If you drink water all day, you are less hungry, so you can stay in better shape by not eating as much.
Points taken? Hopefully.

SNL never ceases to crack me up, but honestly, what is it about that girl that Molly Shannon plays in the school girl outfit that smells her hands after they've been in her armpits that makes people laugh? I have never thought that sketch was funny and they play it all the time. Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey were classic - but they need to stop dragging it on with "My Very Big Novel" or whatever it's called now. The Lady's Man isn't funny either - although I'll give him credit for having one of the funniest lines in SNL history, "After you're done having your wang mouthasized." Oh man that's funny! Also, SNL should have paid Will Ferrell any amount he wanted to stay on that show. And screw all you people who say people who leave SNL for movies make bad decisions, that's only a small minority. Look at John Belushi (Animal House)....Chevy Chase (too many to mention).....Steve Martin (too many to mention)....Mike Meyers (Wayne's World, Austin Powers)....Adam Sandler (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, etc.).....Chris Farley (Tommy Boy, Black Sheep)...man those are good movies! So what if "Pat, The Movie", "the lady's man" (see above, that's why the movie flopped, not because he left for a movie career), and that stupid school girl molly shannon who i mentioned above failed miserably - SNL people make about 80% of all good movies out there today.

Newsflash: Eminem still sucks. While I promote an endorse a white rapper and I endorse all white people hanging out with black people, I do NOT endorse idiots, criminals, wanna-be actors, people with voices 5 octaves higher than mine who claim to be tough, mushroom tattoos, or taking your Mom to court.

The invention of M2 (MTV 2) was supposed to (in my opinion) rejuvinate the way MTV was. MTV was cool in the mid-80's when all that it did was play videos. This got overcome by game shows, political shit, too many commercials, reality shit tv, yadda yadda yadda. MTV finally realized this and released M2 which would only show music videos - sweet. Now I no longer had to watch MTV but could actually see music on M2!! Now, M2 is being morphed into a mini-mtv. they now have shows and all that other stupid stuff on there. They need to come out with M3 so we can get a videos-only channel back, becuase that's all MTV is (was) good for.

Reality TV is the most misleading name in the world. "Joe Millionaire" - where a random guy gets to select from 20 hot chicks who he wants to live with as they drool over him and he lies to them. Very Real. 20 people stranded on an island eating bugs. Very Real. People racing across the country in groups of 2 trying to meet various goals in order to get money. Following around a fat-ex-playmate who inherited like $90 million from her 90 year old widow showing how stupid she is - pretty real, i see it every day. In fact, these shows are all such carbon-copies of my real life, I can just look out my window and see all these instead of watching them on TV (note the VERY strong sense of sarcasm)

Why the hell is it that girls insist on being treated like shit or lied to in order to fall in love with a guy? It's for this reason I'll never be married.

Everywhere I would be happy living is halfway cheap except for the one place I live. For some reason I'll need to spend a quarter of a million to get a decent house in Denver. But in Kansas City, Atlanta, or someplace like Eugene or Boise I could get away for much cheaper. Why on earth do I live in Denver? Oh yeah - I love it here.

All the cool colors are officially taken in all professional sports, this can be seen by analyzing each expansion team in each sport in the last 10 years and their gay team colors. I guess they just all settle for teal or purple:
Florida Marlins/Teal Colorado Rockies/Purple Arizona Diamondbacks/Purple Tampa Bay DevilRays/Teal Toronto Raptors/Purple Vancouver Grizzlies/Teal Charlotte Hornets/Teal San Jose Sharks/Teal Carolina Panthers/Teal Jacksonville Jaguars/Teal

The Simpsons gets funnier each year. How do they do this?

People who sue other people need better things to do with their time. How stupid is the person who sues McDonald's for getting fat? How stupid is the person who sues McDonald's for spilling hot coffee on herself? How stupid is the ex-wife who sues her Movie Star husband for $25 Million for child support becuase the $5 Million he already gave her isn't enough? Examples of good lawsuits: My friend Russ whose bike's front fork shattered on him resulting in him having MAJOR (several, several thousand dollars) restorative surgery done to his face becuase his bike's fork shattered when it shouldn't have. He deserves to have those medical bills paid for.