"I think anybody is able to do anything for anybody on any given day." --Paul Tuttle Jr.

These are some random emails I got pre-2003, I don't update this any longer as I've posted a guestbook for comments like this for future use.

YOU SHOULD MOVE TO CALIFORNIA. YOU WERE BORN TO TEAR IT UP HERE. YOU
ARE AN IDIOT BUT YOU HAVE GREAT BALLS AND YOU ARE AN ARTIST AND DO NOT
EVEN KNOW IT. GO TO ART SCHOOL. I DID, IT'S WONDERFUL, YOU'LL SEE
BEAUTY AND LIFE WHERE OTHERS THOUGHT THERE WAS NONE. LIKE IN YOUR
INSANELY EGO DRIVEN SITE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A SIGHT THAT SO OBVIOUSLY
ATTEMPTS TO SPLATTER THE AUTHORS BRAINS ONTO THE SCREEN. ALTHOUGH, I
COULD DO WITHOUT THE PICS OF UGLY GUYS PUKING. YOU'RE PRETTY DAPPER
THOUGH.
CAROLL SUN YANG

jesus. who are you? i'm not angry, just asking. a famous designer
recommends you site as one of the best sites ever and I come to it and
sure enough it is aesthetically horrendous but culturally... va va va
voom. or something. i'm an artist living in Eagle Rock, Ca. good job
getting on Stefan Sagmeisters list of best sites. shit, he only names
three sites. jesus. i should marry you.
good luck.
caroll

Loved your rant! We hate dogs too! One attacked my husband, another one
killed one of our roosters, we live next door to a animal shelter... so
we have to listen to the endless barking, and we have to constantly keep
an eye out for dogs trying to get to our 4 goats! Dogs - YUK!!!
Amen!! :-)
Dona and Paul

im staying in this house and the dog next door wont stop barking all day all night and i wont to kill it tonight. im in guatamala and they dont use anti-freeze here and thats the only way i know to kill them easilly. if you know of any thing that kills them quickly emailñ me and let me know please.
Joe

Hello!
I thought I would write and say a quick thank you.  I was surfing the internet, and have no idea how I came across a link to your site.  But I was bored, and ticked off when I started.
Your mini-video of you doing Alice in Chains got me to smiling.. so thanks!
After that I checked out the rest of your site.. funny stuff! 
Anyway, thanks for cheering me up.
Angie in California

Fuck dogs fuck dogs all dogs that I see running around lose in the streets
First I pepper spray their eyes and then I put them on the leash and tie
them to the bumber of my car and drive them on the freeway.
Joey
Cali

Your website is interesting. You seem interesting....
...have a nice day.
Denet Moldenhauer

Hey,
Long time viewer, first time writer.  LOL.  I noticed that you are a Slipknot fan.  And while appreciate the music of Stone Sour, I wanted to get into Slipknot.  Hypothetically, if i was to listen to a Slipknot song that would hook me into their music, what would it be?  I'm looking to hear a song by them that would make me wake up my family in the middle of the night to get them to listen to it.  Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks Bryan.
Your Humble Website Viewer
Boomer

Hey this is Che' Lang from IL. I'm jus now getting into slipknot and i love
their music, but im rele confused. Corey Taylor was always the lead singer
to slipknot in 1999 wen their first album "Slipknot" came out, and their
sencond album " Iowa" in 2001 too right? well then how can he be the lead
singer of Stone Sour at the same time? I kno they are on a break right now
workin on their last and final album because they dont want to become Gwar,
so did he quit slipknot and go into stone sour or what? whats the deal?
tell me tho whole story.
Thanks ALot!
Che' Lang

Hey dude,
    Your site rocks, I stumbled across it today and I have read a good bit
of it.  Excellent stuff, very amusing.  I'm from Minnesota, currently a
freshman at Hamline University in St. Paul.  I started reading your religion
section, and I think you are dead on, except for one extremely important
section.  I agree that church can often be a waste of time, because it is
filled with phonies, mostly.  I feel the same way.  And the part about God
being glorified through us having fun with "His gift" is right, too.  The
catch, which is a very unfortunate catch indeed, is that God specifies what
types of fun are appropriate.  Like you said, drinking can be justified, you
can make a case that God has no problems with swearing.  But you can't get
around sex.  The fact is, God clearly states in the Bible that we aren't
supposed to have sex before marriage--  it sucks, i agree.  i'm 19.  So,
unfortunate as it is, you can't reconcile sex and glorifying God.  I'm not
trying to preach at you in the least, not at all.  But you are obviously a
practical, straightforward guy, and the simple truth is that God does not
approve of sex unless you are married.  just curious what you think about
that.  anyway this was a pointless email but i guess it is my response to
your views.  the site rocks, i am gonna read the rest of it right now.  keep
it up.
Danny Decker

I just spent the last half hour reading your web page.... the one about the meth family was sent to me by a friend here in Oregon! I sent it to friends all over and I'm sure this goes on and on. I was amused by your story and sadden all at the same time. Meth is the most amazing drug... it has done what heroin and speed combined have not done in near to 70 yrs. It turns a prom queen into a hooker in weeks, not to mention the abuse that surrounds the children involved. Sad sad thing. I feel for you having them across the street. The prisons are full here in Oregon and they usually get out as fast as they go in. Be careful my friend because they are constant high nightdwellers and have too much high time on their hands and are like weasles always looking for a hole to climb thru and window not sealed. They will always come back... or new ones will take their place.  That building is very dangerous now... full of toxians as is many motel and hotel rooms across the US. What use to take several days to cook is now taking minutes and the public places are infected with the chemicals.  Hate to say.... anyway.... I wish you and your family the best out there in Co. and from Oregon to you have a happy Holiday.  Sam and family
S. Hart

Hello, I agree. Beavers suck. They have fucked up my property. Waht used to be a beutiful branch running through the woods, is now the ugliest swamp in the world. I hate beavers I've never givin much thought to woodpeckers, but it also makes sence. Kill all the sons a bitches....     
Johnny B

I thought I was the only one with neighbors like that,
I bought my house 3 years ago in febuary, I thought it was a great price for the condition of the 100 year old house.
But then as the weather got warmer, I started seeing the nieghbors more and more, There is an apartment building accross from our house, and So I'm informed by "Toothless Granny" Half of these apartments are occupied by her children Who all have mysterious birth defects ranging from Googly eyes to color blindness, retardations and cleft pallets. Not to mention the rotten teeth and fowl odors.
The other half of these units are occupied by a guy that we call "Buddah Belly" or "Patch".
Patch makes his living selling some type of drugs ( which he and company smoke all night long in the bathroom of there apartment) Constant 5 minute traffic all day and night.   Patch's 3 daughters live in the other 3 apartment with there "families ?".
The two familys have known each other for years , As the Hatfield's and McCoy's would know each other. They all grew up in a small town called Mill City OR (6 shacks and a post office).
Patch is quite a charmer with his Bell's Palsey, biker Headband and a patch on his eye. And what's really nice is when they need an extra bedroom they throw a mattress out the back door onto the grassy area facing my house. His red headed, blue eyed, chubby daughters are a joy too. Screaming at there boyfriends and children in spanish.  
We were just notified that we have a Latino gang on the othe side of us.
Such is life in "Felony Flats" We have called the police so many times they've asked us to move (I'm not kidding) Salem loves it Meth cookers, We've made the top county list for Meth.  My congrats to Salem Oregon's Finest! 
Rick Kerby

i was wondering if you knew a way to help me get rid of beavers in my back yard. i have found 3 huts i can walk to since the water is frozen. i"ve pulled down the dam they built and the water is dropping as we speak. all summer long i pull it down and within a few days its back.   very frustrating!!. i was hoping you had some ideas. thank you please help
James Geometry

great site dude, it's funny stuff.
my friend just set this site up,
(link deleted), it's just a place
to go and rant about whatever is pissing you off.  you should take a look at
it and if you like it tell people to check it out.  it's therapeutic.  in
any case, cool site, keep it up.  just curious, do you make any money on it?
  i know thats not your primary goal.  actually maybe it is.  later
matt benson

Hi Bryan, 
I just came across your debt tip on a whim and it sounds great,  I am going to try it today,  what if I have a credit blance of 8,000 can I still do it.
Thanks
San

I run my website on a page affiliated with Digihosters, called godhost, and the owner of the company tells me the server is in florida..he gave me an address of the data center. *Curiously, on their page they say the data center is in Texas..*
1142 Tallevast Road
Sarasota, FL
USA
Me and two of my friends are going to report the company to bbb from florida. Hope they can take any providence about the damages caused to all of their costumers. Luckly my clients are very comprehensive, but i could be suited in brazil for the situations i passed through with this webhosting.
If we report to bbb, would you make a complaint about your problem with them?
Thanks
Rick

Hi Bryan~
What a random act of e-mailing this may be....I am returning from overseas and am looking for a place to live and lo-and-behold, came across your reviews of The Retreat at Westcliff.  Is this place really as good as it seems or are you just trying to get the management to give you some free rent?  I haven't toured the place as they are boasting a great move-in special if you decide within 72 hours of a tour but from all other angles the place seems great.  So give me the 411...too good to be true, or renter's paradise?
Thanks a bunch,
Lynn

Hi,
      I'm in Boston,MA.  I read your site  everyday, but I one thing I
would like to see more of is My Mind.  I feel that you should update this
like every week.  That would be sooo awesome.  I really don't know why
people leave you hatemail.  What's up with that?!?   Keep up the good work!

I might be, i'm just in the market for a place, but i dont know if i want to venture that far from the ocean. I doubt i would be able to, i love surfing too much. I just figured i would ask because the apartment looked really nice. So thank you = )
Cassie

Hey Bryan,
        My name is Mandy.I ran into your site, and
really liked it.I would like to get to know more about
you because so far I think you're a great person.I
hope you have time to reply.I'll talk to you later.
~MANDY~

Okay Mister Bryan, how can you guarantee me that you
will pay me this $100 if I move in and use your name
as the referral?  Why should I trust you, a stranger?
Hmmmmm?
Shauna

you are a inspiration to my faith... wow i never knew someone could write like that... thats awesome dude... keep the love of christ flowin
your friend in christ
Danny doherty

Hey Bryan,
First off love the site and I'm almost a daily visitor. In some some sick and oddly twisted way I admire what you do and stand for. You're a good man. This leads me to ask of the following: Would you be willing to do an email interview so that I can create an article for my website that would discuss you, yourself, your personality...I'm aiming for the deeper meaning I guess. Let me know what you think. Thanks for your time.
Matt
www.maximmatt.com

I was thinking about moving into the retreat because like you said, it looks
really nice.  Thanks for giving me a tenant's perspective.  I was wondering if
this is an isolated incident.  Have you received any other responses to your
site?  Thanks for letting me know so I can look somewhere else to live.
Lisa

Thank you for writing that.  Just so you know, Buckingham Apartment Complex in Aurora is not much better so when your lease is up and you are looking to go elsewhere do not go there!  Good luck!
Pam

Great work on your site.  Very interesting articles, some of the stuff really makes you think.  Keep up the good work!  :)
Anna

bryan,
my name is jennifer,i actually got to your page by being bored and looking for weird sites.i looked up dicklickers and went from one site to yours.it was strange.what isnt?i found it facinating your dedication to try to help people .and your patience to write your whole life story.i always get lost when it comes to me.i make no sense.i am female what do you expect.i am not asking for advive except for how to become your friend.your outlooks on life are as bizzare as mine.no wonder both born in 1979.we couldnt be cool and born in 1969 but then we would be old.how does it feel living almost a quarter of a century i cant believe it has gone this fast.i feel stupid writing to someone i dont know.do you find this strange.i almost feel safer taking candy from strangers.ummmm candy.i tring to lower my sugar intake .like you care on to a diferent subject.me 23 year old chick living in florida my friend woke me up 3 hrs ago to be an ass i dont wake ! up till noon didnt have anything to do .write back if you have any questions.i like question i am very inquizitive.i enjoyed reading about you.
ps what cartoon would you be?
later
jenn

Hey bryan,
I was looking for a place between boulder and denver, and since i take the bus everyday, i could see the retreat..and was interested in looking at it as an option. But now i guess i wont. Thanks for all the info, and i hope u find a better place to live in
K

WOAH!!! found your site from maddox's page! You're a cutie!!! And you like South Park!!! THEY KILLED KENNY!! *ggls* Just thought I'd drop a line. Guess I'm just bored LOL
Natalie Gibb

Hello Bryan,
I am a fan of your site.  It is really cool and I like it.  Your site inspired me to make one which I did.  I got rid of it because it was cheesy and I did not put much time into it. 
I am going to do another one.  A real one this time.  What do  you recommend for a host?  I was looking at  www.Ipowerweb.com.  What do you think of that one?
I have been doing a little research, and that is what I think looks the best so far and I have read good feed back on it.  Please let me know your thoughts.  Thank
Jason from West Palm Beach, FL

Recommendation: use anyone OTHER than digihosters.com or cedant.com or dot5hosting.com  - those all suck and are former hosts of mine.

Hey Mack -
Just wondering if I could be so lucky as to get put on the links page. Right now it's just called "Ephland's Page", and the address is members.aol.com/ajephland/home.html. I've got your page linked up on my site, and even if you don't want my piece of shit on yours, I'll keep yours on mine. Thanks.
AJEphland

Bryan,
I just wanted to let you know that I ran across your web page searching Yahoo for St. Anthony's Hospital. I enjoyed your honesty. I also agree with you regarding Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon. It is my all-time favorite album with Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin as the best single. I live in Westside, yes, the little town with the funny named school - Ar We Va. I have 4 kids, Tracy(25), Ben(22), Laura(18), and Dan(14). Laura and Dan work at the Family Table restaurant out by Earl May's. Anyway, as I said before, I guess I was suppose to read your message cuz things ain't going so well in my life right now. I guess I will have to start praying again. Can't hurt! Thanks for your advice and if you want to respond, by all means, do. Have a Great Day!  
Kim Mason   Westside, Iowa

Hi.  I was reading Maddox's webpage and saw the link here quite awhile ago
and when I finally got a change to check yours out it was down!  But anyway,
I got to check it out today while I was sitting here, bored at work, I might
add!  I thought I'd just drop a line and let ya know that it's quite an
interesting read.  You probably get 100's of e-mails like this a day, but I
thought I'd make it 101!  Plus, you're in one of my favorite places!  I love
Colorado.  I'm in New Mexico, so luckily I'm not too far away, and you
better believe I get up there when I can!  So, I just have to talk to
everyone I can in Co!
Anyway, hope you having a good day!  If you get extremely bored, you could
alway email me back!  I like entertainment while I'm at work!
Vicky

Hey Bryan,
I came across your site and I found it interesting and funny to read. Keep
up the good work! Check out my website at http://lorddesolator.tripod.com/.
It uses a combination of horror, comedy, and artwork. Check it out and tell
me what you think of it. Also, I put your site's address on my links page.
Desolator

Hey, I can imagine how many emails you get in the run of a day, so if you do
end up reading this one, I don't expect a reply. Just wanted to say good
site, and I'm glad you're making it the way you want to even though people
ask you to be like Maddox and whatnot.
I'm from PEI. lol You're probably like "What the hell..." but whatever. See
ya...
Cynthia

Hey, i really like your webpage.  It kicks a considerable amount of ass.   Everything about it kicks ass.  And i throughly enjoy all the Mp3''s, so keep'm comming.  THe deftones are awesome, you  understand this, that's good.   I just wanted to let you know i stumbled onto your page and I like it... though that system of a down song you had up there 2 days ago... it was damn weird. Any way.. you get the point.
Ryan From florida

Hey Bryan!
I am a HUGE fan of your site and would first like to
say that I thoroughly enjoy your articles for good
reads. My buddies like them too!  I love the rant
about dogs (even though I love dogs) just because it
was a refreshing slant on "man's best friend". Keep up
the good work!!

Anyway, I just read your recent "news" and saw that
you are unhappy.  Well, I don't know any really corny
jokes or anything of that genre, but I can say to just
smile because you are rich in family, friends, and the
Lord. Smile because all three love you, (but the last
most importantly!).  Hope you are having fun in Vegas,
by the way!

I also read your latest "rant" about how your church
has become too secular. What a shame. I am a Lutheran,
and although we are Protestant, we are like Catholics,
in that we have a deep respect for God and we are not
a noisy group (at least, not around here).  Inquire at
a local church about "traditional services". These are
for more reserved people, like you, who prefer a quiet
worship and not the singing and shouting. E-mail me
here if you have any questions!

I will say a prayer for you tonite, hoping that you
will find happiness...and maybe a new church.

Your friend and faithful reader,
Kimberly Satterfield
Washington, D.C.

how about every single stupid bastard athlete that complains because they have to take drug tests? heres a thought.. grow and pair and stop smoking pot you fuckin spoiled burnout.."oh well it invades our privacy" shut up slut no one feels bad for you..you make 10 mil/ year and your looked upon as a god in the public eye. do the kids a favor and try to look like a decent role model by not doing drugs. assholes, every last one of them
Tim Dean

Hey, I'm a sixteen-year-old chick from El Paso, Texas
(just figured I'd let ya know, in case you dont assume
so after reading this somewhat illiterate e-mail).  I
just read your thing on why people are going to
church.  I couldn't agree more.  I dont think most
people know the first thing about truely worshiping.
I dont think most people want to, because then they'll
know that they're not doing what they should be, and
they dont want to get that involved.  Anyway, I love
your site, its the greatest.  I  check it out everyday
for updates.  I agree with practically everything you
put up.  anyway, just thought i'd let you know, i'm
sure you get tons of mail exactly like this all the
time, so what's one more.  but i just wanted to let
you know i appreciate it and stuff.  so yeah, keep it
coming!  :)
~~your fan from ol' El Paso
Jessica

Bryan,
I don't know you, but I got to you website through Brian Maddox's xmission.com site, and I'm glad I did. I haven't looked at everything on your site yet, but what I have seen shows me that there are good people out there that know what's going on. You sound like someone that I would definitely hang out with (if not want to date). It's hard to find people that actually have deep thoughts about important things that can also have all kinds of fun like it sounds like you and your friends do. I hope that makes sense - I'm not sure if that came out right. Alot of your thoughts about religion and friends sounds like what I think, but I don't talk to anyone about that stuff because I always get emotional when I think of things like that. There's also the factor of my family looking down on me if I gripe about religious aspects, because, like you, I disagree with alot of what they say, but I still find alot of it very important. ANYWAY, aside from serious stuff, your site is fu! nny and well made. Your friends seem like they would be cool, too. I hope you don't think I'm some kind of psycho for writing this to you since I don't even know you, but I thought I would let you know that someone in Georgia saw your site and liked it. You can e-mail me back if you want (if you have time). My name is Amy Stafford and I'm 20, just in case you're wondering.
*Amy*

Hi there,
I came to your site from maddox@xmission (great site by the way).  It was pretty interesting, and I'm sure you're a very interesting person.  I admire you for telling the world about being reborn again in Christ.   It's not a very popular stance nowadays. 
I do have a lot of problems with your website though.  I'm not going to state them, because it would be useless.  Just seems like some of the things you say don't really jive with the fact that you are a Christian.  I have no room to talk, of course, I'm a sinner just like everyone else...but I think you examine yourself, read again some of the things you have posted.  I don't know, you probably won't even read this.  I hope you do though. 
Have a nice day,
Amy

Hey--Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy visiting your site.  It makes the day at work go by much smoother.  I've been visiting pretty much every day since I found the link off of "The Best Page in the Universe."  Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that this new contest that you put up today is a very cool idea.   I just bought a sprint phone with a camera on it(yeah I know it was a waste of money, but I got a really good deal on it through work).  Expect to see a lot of entries in this contest from me.
Enjoy your site!!
Brian

Hey man,
Love you site, it provides me with some laughs to get me through the day. Funny story though, my dad used to go to Mines and I was looking around the site and saw his picture on there back in 1972. Since I saw that you are one of the people that updates the site, I figured that I would let you know. That pic showed me that Dad hasn't changed his hairstyle in more than 30 years, scary huh?
Keep up the good work
Rob
Lexington, ky

those pics of your neighbors are killer...I have to get some of mine..I moved into a new development and you know..you cant pic your neighbors..my guy across the street..is 30+ years old, and still a motor head...has a soupped up dodge neon and you know when he comes home cause he revs the engine like he is at the indy 500.  his wife is nasty...70lbs soaking wet..they chain smoke like there is no end....I went in there house once and my clothes stunk..their 8 year old son has to have lung cancer by now....
but those people by  you...I would have launch a Molotov cocktail at that house...the cops would have loved you for it!!
cheers!!
Ronnie Biggs

I have been visiting your site on and off since I was first sent the link of kids art from a friend.  I thought your observations were great and found that the way you think and the way I think are similar.  So, intrigued, I started reading other sections of your site.
I have to say, however, that the white trash write up is a riot!  I just could not imagine going through that but I think you took the right approach.  You can either get pissed or just find the humor in all of it.  I do feel bad for their kids though, how did they ever stand a chance?
Anyway, I was thinking that you may want to black out the address on the eviction notice on your neighbor's door unless you don't mind the crazy's knowing where you live.
Anyway, keep it up.
Mirko Crevatin, BCS, MCSE
Technical Architect

Bryan,
One of my top 10 favourite games of all time, hands down. Let me know if you want to know why (guaranteed very interesting read.)\
"Roy is the Greatest goaltender there ever was, ever is, and ever will be!!!"  No. 64 against Detroit none the less, Phenomenal.
Michael Klinck

just a note to encourage you in your walk with Christ.  it's exciting to see
a young man articulate his faith in his Savoir unashamedly and try to walk
out this commitment in this world where everything tries to tear it down.
find you a live Bible-believing church with a dynamic singles ministry and
surround yourself with other young people trying to live righteously -
accountability and the support from a loving church family helps - it really
can be a struggle to maintain your purity and obtain the mind of Christ
unless you have some good teaching and support.  ok, enough preaching-
enjoyed your page and pray for your blessing.  you are a witness for Jesus,
keep on keeping on- it's a marathon not a sprint.
Wayne Nettles

I saw your page... i was searching for a tuna fan site.. dont ask.
You like pink floyd? You might get a kick out this.. i recorded me playin
with some random shit on the guitar and it sounds a bit floydy.
Used: Marshall 30dfx with the Delay up.
http://www.jhooker@isp.primuseurope.com/floyd.wav
cool site dude
James Hooker
United Kingdom

lo mate. just saying well done on all your site. im a christian....whereas i
dont hide it all my mates know etc, i dont let people know as i should. and
as for regrets im impressed that you can share them. we all got them.
however we shouldnt dwell on them there in the past. Im not saying forget
about them. that would mean losing valuable lessons from life. but im sure
god forgives you........man im really bored at work....you should see some
of the sites i came across hehe
http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/1999-09-13/index.html
joe

Hey, I saw your white trash neighbors website.  Thought you'd appreciate this one.   Check out this website. www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm
kristine oneil

I think you have a better site than your friends.  Nice job.

hi,
a while ago, my friend sent me a link to your website and about every time i get online, i visit to see what's new or whatever.  (interesting page on Wilson by the way.)  i read some of your writings on religion and i have to admit i'm impressed. first of all at how you speak of religion so freely.  recently, i  had begun to question my spirituality and whether Catholisism was what i wanted ot be a part of.  i read a book title Joshua and it brings up a lot of questions that had been in my mind for a while (it's a good book) so began the searching.  i am now attending a non-denominational church and i feel more at home there than at my last church.  the music played a big role in my decision to stay.  i'm still working on understanding much of what i had been taught as a child (i also attended a Catholic school.  from kinder to 5th grade, i was at St. Raphael's untill tuition got too high.)
anywayz, i just wanted to say cool site.
Amanda Guerrero
el paso, texas

Hi,
I want to say thank you for writing that page for regrets (I'm the person that has the journal that you had commented in a few times) you have. I at first tried to call my (best) friend to tell them that I love them and I couldn't get a hold of them. Today I went to the mall with them. They had lent me some money because I didn't have enough for some things, and as we were walking somewhere, I was saying my obligatory thank-yous and then I said "You know Kyle, I love ya man, thanks for being my friend." I didn't sound very serious, but I think he knew I meant it. And, to my amazement, he replied with "Yeah I love ya too." And also to my amazement, I didn't feel at all weird. Thanks for your writings, and continue your good work.
-Chris

What year is your accord? i've got a '91 navy blue accord with 144k miles on it.  i love this car.  it gets me where i want to go, and is very reliable.  as far as the matter of speed, i'm not sure what the top speed is, but my vehicle has reached 120 mph.  i hate civics.  there is a group of rice-ers who gather around our mall (heh heh, something else you hate) that race lots of other people.  i hate them.  i drive past them and throw things at their precious cars.  eggs, paintballs, you know, a little bit of everything...  you can tell that they're all a bunch of sissy teens that got their civics from their mothers for getting an "A" on a test.  they're all spoiled rich kids with no taste in what looks "cool".  fucking sissies...
Joe M

just read your rant on drivers.  nice.  
i have a honda too (civic).  they are totally awesome.  so easy to fix and good gas mileage.  i already put 10,000 miles on mine (just got it in august).
i used to work at ford (summer internship in michigan).  i hear you on the ford jabs

My name is Tom, I'm a talk show host on 88.3 FM WXOU Auburn Hills.  Just wanted to know that I really like your site.  Your insights on religion show clarity in thought.  Keep up the good work. 
Tom (Chris)

hey i thought your website was wicked.
i really loved the thing at the end of your 'about me page' i thought that rocked.
natalie tran

Bryan:
We have so much in common than more than you can imagine. I admire the religious link on your page & I hope you have a Merry Christmas!!!  Email me...I spent ages 6-13 in CARROLL, IA....& then Yes then I went to ISU.  Ran a Marathon for the Leukemia Society 4 years ago....  Not in IA anymore...but get homesick over the holidays.   How about you?
Jen

Honestly, i cant hate you for hating dogs. I agree with you 100% even though i like dogs i will NEVER own one. I like my friend's dogs because they are not mine. If you need a pet go get a fishtank, or better yet the preverbial "pet rock"
INSANE WAYNE

hey... how's it going.
I'm a university student just trying to waste some time while gettin over a
hangover.  I'm hoping my words however won't be too pointless fer ya ;)

I was just checkin out yer site (busted my gut).
Thanx for the laugh :)

I'm gonna comment on something probably a million others have responded to
(everyone's gotta get their two cents in.. including me I guess). I was
viewing your thoughts pertaining to faith.  I understand your confusion...
altho it's often an individual journey.  It's difficult to differientiate
what u believe is right from everything else coming at you.  U seem
confused, like billions of other people out there.  Sounds like yer
searching for something?  My advice to u is to just go with what you know to
be true and right.  Figure out why you believe what you do and how that
effects you and others in your own life on a day to day basis.  All your
"shoulds" show good intention.. which is important, but you won't be
fulfilled until your actions correspond with your beliefs... the difficulty
lies in figuring out what they may be.  I've learned that uou won't find it
by adopting what others believe.  Question why you believe what you do. 
People with minds of their own are often too far and in between.
LA

Bryan,
I don't know if I'm using the correct address here, anyways...
Your site is great! I've added you on my super links.
My site is UnSick Universe, url:
http://free.hostdepartment.com/unsick/main.html
I'd be happy if you would put my site's link on your site.
Thanks
UnSick!

Thank you very much for do me a big ass favor. I dislike sports in general. (Don’t get me wrong, some guys are cool) but you and your fans, just pointed out everything extremely wrong with athletes.
For that I thank you,
Sincerely,
A conspirator against hip hop
Tom Hohmann

Your website is awesome. I came across it today while at work, I laughed so hard. Some of your Rants are unbelievably funny and true.
It’s crazy; I live at 116^th and Federal. You’re just a couple miles east from me. I use to work at Global Crossing on 120^th and Pecos, and just about every Friday we would go hang out at the Park Center Lounge.
I take it you go to Old Chicago a lot. Is it the one on 120^th near Sheridan? I was looking at the pictures you have posted; I think I know some of the same people you know. It’s a small world.
Take care
Jeremy

Hey, i was checking out your site. On there you said you loved Slipknot. I was wondering if you liked the affiliated bands Stone Sour, and Murderdolls

hey....
I went to your link after reading the best page in the universe.  I read up about you...a little daring don't you think?  You just kinda layed everything out.....   I know it sounds really stupid but I am really sorry to here about your friend Ryan.  It sounds like you lost someone really close to your heart......ah....umm...ok...
I think you're cool...I live out in Toronto in Canada...I don't have a pic to send you 'cause my scanner is busted.  I liked what you said about your sis...me and my siblings are really close.  There are 6 of us together and our family has been through some tough times.
About your house...it may be shitty to you but you had shelter and that's important right?   I thought it was hilarious how you posted that up.  What did your parents say about that?  Oh yeah....what is the point of your website?  Just to kinda put yourself out there or.....
Anyhow- thought I'd drop you a line and say hi...hey listen- maybe if you ever make it to the land of beautiful women (Canada)...maybe we can party.....
Qaisera Chaudhry

Hey Bryan,
I've been keeping up with your site for a couple months now.  Reading your rants and looking at your picures.  Until today, I had not clicked on your "religion" button.  I guess I was afraid that you would minimize and critize God.  However, this isn't the case at all.  I'm so glad that you have let God in your life and that you have posted your beliefs online.  Wow, that definately took courage and I'm so glad that you did it.  Maybe this was the plan all along!
Tiffany Wallace

lol i like your site it 0wnz...and laetitia casta hottest babe alive :-D...anywayz just wanted to tell ya how much i like your site.
peace
sam

Hey man,
I just visited your site today for the first time, and I noticed that your articles are remarkably similar to the kind we write. I run a website called Insult To Injury (http://www.insult2injury.org ) and I was wondering if you'd be interested in writing for us. I have no idea how popular Fleetmack is, so don't get offended. Out site gets about a thousand independant readers per article when we post, so it's not like we're struggling or anything. I've just been looking for a decent writer for a while.
Later,
Brandon

great site, just checking it out from near cincinnati ohio, wanted to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU  for putting up stone sour mp3s!!!!!! you don't happen to have any audioslave hiding around here anywhere do you?

Hey,
Your website is pretty cool and you and your friends are GORGEOUS! I didn't think people had nice
big groups of friends anymore! Anyways, glad I ran across your page!
Marina Walters
Salisbury, MD

Not sure how I got to your site now - I think I was trying to track down
the lyrics / MP3 of Bob Seager's (Seger?) Turn the Page. Using the MP3
downloads as a scam to get people to the site is a great idea. Hell, I
looked around. Interesting ideas and stories.  Like the one your friend
offered about having her mother walk in on her while she was, ummm,
grabbing her ankles. Now that is content.  Also interesting how a lot of
the stuff you discuss hits the mark rightr on, and other stuff makes me
wonder if you haven't been eating nothing but lead and mercury for the last
15 years. Williams is a minor diety where I come from sonny........
RMS

You sound like a harsh dude! Keep up the posting on your site....2
questions: do you fly fish on the Colorado River? and do you code the
site in vi or emacs? good cheer to you,
thomas wildeman

Hey, i just wanted to say helllo and let ya know that i myself am a HUGE
HUGE HUGE fan of slipknot.. i would KILLL to goto a show but they dont
really play in ny ever!  Yes well im terribly board and i foudn your page
and i just wanted to say hello!   keep it real!
Angelique

Hi,
I was e-mailed your web site a few days ago and have  not  stopped laughing yet. I think you are funny and quite entertaining. Keep up the good work.Between work and kids.... your site actually calms me after a long day. Enjoy life!!!!
Thanks....
Sheky
(New Jersey)

your website is hilarious....just droppin' a line on a great band that is
going to be coming through denver soon.  Global Funk Council will be
playing at Quixote's on Sunday 11/10 and also again on 12/30 & 12/31 at the
same venue.  Judging by your taste, you seem like a party person that would
get along well with these guys and they draw a great crowd in the area when
they come through.  they are funk/jazz/rock with great musicians.  you can
check out their music by going through their website at
www.globalfunkcouncil.com and listening though their link to cdbaby.com
keep up the site, people need more creative entertainment- 
Vincent LoForti <loforti@chapman.edu>

Mack- you're the funniest cunt. You're obviously highly evolved but quite,
quite demented. Nice one.
Cheers,
Mark Cassidy

Hello!
I was just trying to get to the "children's crappy art" page and I stumbled upon your page, and I was bored so I read all about you....
I think you're my soul mate! ;o) (well, except for the "I love women" part... because I don't). I just thought I'd share that.
See ya!
cheri

Yo! Great stuff on yer site, dude. Just letting you know I linked to you from mine:
www.digitalhecht.com
No, I'm not asking for reciprocity. That's lame. Just letting you know. Keep up the good work!
Ed Hecht

well i dont know u but sum how i got on to ur web page i read all the things u wrote down on it and i think u sound like i slick guy hehehe well thats all i wanted to say .... well im going peace

You website is so funny, I laugh so hard I have to pee.  It all started when a friend printed out I'm Better Than Your Kids (couldn't breathe), and now the white trash family pictures are sending me over the edge.  Thank you from north of Boston
Edandchris96

Hey, i just thought id write you a quick note and tell
you  how much i like your site. especially the "rants"
section, good stuff, well said. 
im also in colorado, greeley acutally, going to school
but originally from denver. well since your site just
entertained for a hour when i shouldve been doing
homework, i just thought id write and thank you for
aiding me in my procrastination. good job with the
site, i really enjoyed it!
(im sure you get tons of emails like this so sorry if
they tend to bore the hell out of you!)
cheers
Mandy

just read you site and wanted to say your a pretty cool guy. I got great
respect for people who a) put friends and family before anything
b)are humble enough to never feel they repaid a debt c) love steam broccoli.
And that depressed 99.5% of the time but will deny it if anyone evers
asks....well...sounds familiar.
thats all
Joseph Healey

Hi,
Loved your webpage and I spent about an hour reading
thru it while I should have been working.

I live in Colorado also, but am a transplant from
Alabama.  Your rant on Wal-Mart was right on target,
but in Alabama people take it a step further and
actually refer to a Wal-Mart trip as "Going
Wal-Marting!"  One Wal-Mart was so large that
employees wore rollerskates (not Rollerblades, mind
you) to get around the store quicker.

Anyway, Happy Halloween from a fellow MIS grad and Tom
Morello devotee.
Jennifer Drennan

I , like many others, found this website from maddox and I gotta say I love it. It's so good to find quality websites that don't cater to the dumbshits of the world. Another thing; it's cool that I found this site cause I grew up in Denver. I was in Westminster off 92nd & Federal on Judson St.. Anyways, I put a link to your website on my page which I don't have much of anything else on (yet). http://www.angelfire.com/tx3/specialsite
John J. Simmons

Hey Mack, I must admit I am part of the "I just wasted 3 hours at work because I was reading your site"  Club. This is the funniest site I've seen in a while. Wilson is a dumbass, but doesn't
everybody have a dumbass friend that they hang out with? it sounds like he's on CPT(colored people time). The Bachelor party pix aren't up yet? I haven't been able to find them. I didn't get to see
Stone Sour when they where here in Michigan, but it was nice to get a review. How was Chevelle? did they suck or not? Well I better get back to work so I don't waste another day caught up in your
world of wired friends and meth lab neighbors, and lets not forget some of your hot ass chick friends. What's up with the Wilson pix, I thought you had some new ones. That dude kills me. Question for
you. Is that Wilson Mom Smoking the bong with him in the basement? If so I think we all know where he gets his great values from. One more question, How much do you guys pay those chicks to take
pictures with him?
Great site If you and Maddox needs some more Kids Art pix I work in an office that is full of these Masterpieces of shit. I can scan them and send them to you if you what. If not cool, keep the Rants
coming and Wilson pix/stories too. Maybe you should do a feature/interview on/with Wilson. Get his perspective on current events in the world. Who doesn't what to hear what the epitome of loser's has
to say about this world.
Michigan
Ryan

Correction - Wilson is not a dumbass, he's just unique - very, very, very, VERY unique.  We love the guy to death - but the uniqueness is the inspiration behind his pages and pictures.  Otherwise - I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the idea of a Wilson interview - fantastic idea - if he complies, it may exist shortly.

well i must say im impressed ww/ ur site, i agree w/ u 100% on driving and fast food resturants, but u forgot to address one important issue there...the fucking ppl that ring up ur goddamn food cant speak fucking english half the time, but i applaud those that i can barely understand and i thank u for making ur site available to others to laugh at, in a good way and if ne1 sends u hate mail, fuck them in the ass, every1 has their opinion, even if its gay and wrong like 94.7% of all opinions that arent mine, well so long, o yea my cousin goes to iowa state hes a senior, justin mccarthy i think hes studying to b an architect..i dunno, plz ignore my spelling and abbrviations, i just dont giv a damn and i fell upon ur site from maddox, by the way did u no that the rain forest contains over 500,000 diseases....i say burn it down to the ground, mayb u can bitch about that sometime too lol, ! ; later

Hi Bryan!
I wanted to tell you that I absolutely love your website. It was brought to me attention one day by a co-worker, and since then, I've been addicted. I don't know if it's your rants or your cute smile that brings me to check out your site daily  Ok so I'm flirting a little. Anyways, the story about your white trash neighbors had me laughing so hard other people in the office were just staring at me. I'm gonna tell you a bit about myself, not that you give a rats ass, I'm a couple years older than you. I graduated from Penn State with a Marketing Degree. So I landed myself a super-cool marketing job, where I do a lot of graphic design, and trade shows. And a couple evenings a week I teach at the local community college. It's kinda weird, but after reading about you and checking out your website I end up feeling like I know you. I know major fucked up. So now that you think i'm s! ome psycho-stalker. I wanted to say that i'm sorry to hear about you and Stephanie, I thought you guys made a really cute couple. I've learned that things happen for a reason, so there must be someone out there you're supposed to be with. I did want to tell you that in the pics of you and Steph after that Seahawk game, you are looking so cute. I think I might even ask you out, if I lived nearby.  Wow, I really need to stop flirting. So I guess that's all I have to say. If you're curious to learn more, just e-mail me... Have a killer weekend!
-Heather

I wanted to say, yo man the white trash neighbors Story was great, Sounds like my Neighborhood!

I absolutely love your website.  Haven't read this many funny things in a
while.  Your "rant" about drivers is hysterical and so true!  Just wanted to
say thanks for making my day!
Jennifer Gantous

I don't know you, probably never will..   Reading the About Me page compelled me to write this:
I wish I did know you...and sadly,  I probably never will.
Im not entirely sure...not wanting to sound sappy, I could relate and connect with what I was reading; it made me realize that not enough people are willing to say what they mean and mean what they say.  It just gave me the feeling that you are someone I would like to know.

Thats it.
Kimberly

I came across your website when another buddy sent me a link to The Best
Page in the Universe's review of children's art work.  I almost hit the
floor from laughing, that is one sarcastic bastard, sick and funny.

Anyway, I linked to yours and got a kick out of it as well.  Good one
getting over on Westminster's finest.  Whenever I'm being harassed for a
bullshit traffic altercation, I always want to say "Shouldn't you be getting
crack off the streets versus giving me a ticket for rolling a stop sign in
the middle of nowhere with no one else around?"  Of course, that would only
get me a bitch-slapped with handcuffs (which, from experience, I don't
recommend to anyone).

Incidentally, I am an Oklahoma graduate.  Just got back from the Texas game
in Dallas (I also live in Denver).  Your Cyclones have certainly come a long
way and your quarterback is the real deal.  And with the exception of this
Saturday, I hope you guys have a great season.  It shows how patience in a
football coach can pay off.

Keep up the website, funny shit.
Chris Manning

I just happened across you site after a friend sent me a link to "Maddox".    I have done absolutely not one fuckin thing at work in the last 3 hours because I was busy laughin my ass off checking out your pages.  Have you considered writing a movie script with all this stuff?  ("Animal House - The Sequel".   Pee Wee Herman can play Wilson).  If I hit mid-life crisis and bail out on my wife and kids, the first thing I'm going to do is come to Westminster, CO and party with you guys.  Keep livin the life, bro
Bill Smith
"Sniper City", Maryland

Your rants kick ass.  Everyone in my department reads them!

Hey~
I found your Web site going on a tip I got at work. (We are reporters for the Avalanche-Journal in Lubbock, Texas, but don't hold that against us!) You are so fucking funny! (cute too, but I realize there's a Stephanie in the picture :) Anyway, you seem like the crazy kind of motherfucker that would like these obnoxious sites, if you haven't already checked them out:
stupid.com (it sure is)
tshirtsthatsuck.com (self-explanatory)
landoverbaptist.com (makes fun of evangelism and zealots)
collegehumor.com (drunk shit, not all good for viewing at work)
fark.com (weird news)
Keep up the funny shit, I love the pictures and rants, and Wilson is a fuckin riot!!
Mekg1

Somebody sent in a hatemail to tell you that you should turn your life story into a screenplay.  Too late, somebody beat you to it about 20 years ago.
I suggest you go to...
http://www.nationallampoon.com/flashbacks/oc&stiggs/sbocs.html
Your life sounds like this old National Lampoon story reads.
Just substitute your name for O.C., Smitdog for Stiggs, and Wilson for Barney (or Wino Bob, your choice), Curtis  Dentlinger for Randall "the Horror Child" Schwab, Kim and Kris for the "Sluts de Boxcar", and there you go.
From: an old fart Hawkeye
chaoscentral4

Hey your web site is absolutely the best web site I have ever been
to!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've just laughed my ass off for about 3 hours.  You must be
getting about a million hits a day now because the kids artwork e-mail has
probably replicated like a virus to every PC in the world.  Osama Bin Laden
is probably supressing laughter at this moment. So-dam-insane is probably
sooting one of his flunkies for laughing at you site right now - see how
sarcasim can solve the worlds probelms!! How's that for hate mail?  Now all
I want to do is move to Colorado, live in a shitty house, watch my dumb fuck
neighbors blow themselves to hell and drink beer.  My wife probably does not
want to do this though.  I love my Honda Accord too.  It has 101,000 miles
on it and it still runs like the day I bought it.   I may never buy another
car - unless I get so bored with the car that will never die that I stick a
rag in the gas tank and set it on fire. If I do I'll send you the avi clip
Geoff Pullinger

My cousin in Pennsylvania sent me an e-mail about your kids crappy artwork.  I was at school in a computer lab and people were looking at me because I was laughing soooooo hard that I had tears streaming down my face!  That website left me in a great mood for my 3 hour mammalogy lab (where I am surrounded by dead animals that smell like ass).  Your neighbors..... WOW!  that was so funny on so many levels I don't even know where to begin!  I will tell everyone I know to check out your website and I hope they find it as funny as I did!  THANKS for putting a smile on my face.  
Kendra - San Luis Obispo, California

Trying to find a funny link my friend sent me that was someone commenting on kids drawings.   It was like fleetmack.maddox or something.  Any ideas.  Your site is great lots of laughs.   thanks
Jim

Hey   THis isn't hate mail. I was just too lazy and tired to look for the other e-mail adress if there is one.  I am procrastination on diong homework, i'd rather do this.
I really like your site and I have been reading it for the past few days.  I (as everyone esle seems to) find your rants funny and very true!
But what i thought about for a long time was your about me page. There are things in the bottom of that page that I think about and probobly lots of people my age do (im 22).
Like when you said "I am finally ready for a serious girlfriend after years of messing around...I hate any rap music...i hate bums" blabla bla my point is I can relate. I can relate to almost everything you said.  Except I am ready for serious relationship... but im afriad of commitment.  So you are what people think and I like that about how you write... at least what I think, but dont say. So keep up the good job.
ANyway your words make me think about things... not all your stuff just some. but its still good.
Valerie from Wellington, New Zealand

I have been a police officer for 13 years.  Your rant on the way people
drive is %100 correct.  People drive like shit.
Thank You!
D. Nelson
Utah

Hey Bryan,
Cool site...I cannot even remember how I came across it.  I believe it was
the coloring thing.  I also posted feedback for that ISU thing.  What a
freakin' joke.  I am still waiting for the "White Male Entertainment"
channel to launch...anyway - pretty cool site!  I am not a racist, but when
will this shit stop.  Take care.
Fuller

Hey how are you? My name is Dominik and I found your site through research
on the Internet. Your website rocks. I've added your URL and adress in my
Links pages on my own website. It would be greatly appreciated if your
promoted mine as well. Thanks man! Talk to you later!
www.freewebs.com/truecanadian
Dominik Gauthier

So like, I dug your site so much I added it as a link to mine. Here have a look, and if you want add it to yours.
http://webpages.charter.net/erotic_jesus
Cool man, keep it up.
Robert Gratton

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