I was working for a chauffer

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"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself." --Emo Philips

Malaysian MegaTunnel meets Titanic
09-20-06
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An episode of Extreme Engineering was being filmed, the topic was the MegaTunnel in Malaysia. Jason Statham was hosting the show for some reason, and we were walking around the job site. While on a break, we went to the company that was making the wire-skeletons for the concrete pieces that would make up the walls of the tunnel. Why were we here? Well, we figured they could make some outstanding wickets for an impromptu game of croquet we were about to play on the bottom of the job site (the area in the above picture).

Jason and I got the wickets and then had to find some mallets. We somehow found a bunch of things that looked like corncob pipes, only a bit larger. Wickets? Check. Mallets? Check. Now we needed balls. I suggested we steal some foosballs from a local pub, but Jason decided we should go to a rubber melting plant, where we proceded to melt some rubber and form it into mini croquet balls. We were now equipped to play croquet.

Back at the wire-skeleton factory, we were inquiring if anyone else would like to join our game. A group of about 20 guys in their mid-50's, all with full beards (kinda like the "Others" guy from Lost) wanted to play. We all headed over to the industrial elevator that would bring us down to ground zero of the job site. While going down on this elevator, the elevator got somehow misguided and we were airborne, falling at an angle and about to land the industrial elevator on it's side. When we landed, we were not hurt, but the elevator (now grounded) began to slide right towards a Denver RTD bus jam-packed with people. We had to brace ourselves, and we T-boned the bus. Luckily nobody was injured, but we all fell into the ocean.

At this point, for some reason I'm now Leonardo DiCaprio on the capsized Titanic. We're swimming around with Jason Statham. I get the red-headed bitch from the movie onto a floating plank, and I then find one for myself. I then look over at the girl and say, "Wait, I've seen this movie, aren't I supposed to die?" She says, "Apparently not since you found that piece of plank to float on." Oh. Suddenly, some guy on a boat throws me a ring-box, which has the Hope Diamond inside. He says, "You've done well, I will now pay you $70,000 to keep this diamond." ( Yes, I realize this makes no sense ). I then threw the diamond into the ocean, and jumped into the ocean after it, and faded away, into the ocean, just like Leonardo did in that awful movie.