Fleetmack.com - The Interception Dream

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"I went to the doctor the other day, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go see Dr. Acula." --Mitch Hedberg

The Interception
12-21-2005
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I was playing football for the Cleveland Browns, however, we were using a pillow instead of a football. Big rivalry, Browns vs. Bengals, and I was playing D-Back. A pass is thrown put up and I pick it off, but suddenly, I have absolutely no idea which end zone is the one I'm supposed to run to. Suddenly, I'm stripped of the ball by this lady Donna who I work with. Donna is about 68 years old. So Donna takes the football (pillow) from me and starts running, I decide I'm not letting a 68 year old female Bengals player take this football from me. I run up to her and politely say, "I'm bigger than you and I'm not letting you take this" and I took the ball (pillow) back from her. I see several people coming at me, so I decide to pass the ball. I'm not talking a lateral here, I'm talking a pass. I pass it to this girl Holly who I used to work at Hy-Vee with in high school. Suddenly I realize Holly is also a Bengal. I hang my head in disgust as I realize the crowd is booing me for turning the ball over for a second time on this interception. I look like a kicker who just missed the game winning field goal. I decide I must again have this pillow back, so I sprint to Holly and strip the football from her. I get in the clear and hear the announcer say, "This is officially the longest play in NFL history at 8 minutes 45 seconds." The clock is still ticking, I've intercepted the ball, been stripped of the ball, stripped it back, thrown my own interception, stripped that back, and here I stand trying to decide which end zone I'm supposed to run to. I decide it's the one two steps behind me, so I just walk backwards and the whole crowd starts booing. I think, "SHIT! I scored for the wrong team." I look at the scoreboard (remember, I'm on the Browns and we're playing the Bengals) ... they gave 1 point to Philadelphia as a result of my erroneous end zone choice.

What was the point of this dream? I have come to one conclusion: The Bengals are a bunch of girls.