Fleetmack.com - Mike Wil$on Page

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"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but then I thought, fuck that, I'll just get a tan instead." --Mitch Hedberg

This page is dedicated to one of our best friends in the world. Come share his uniqueness with us ...

Mike Wil$on -- The man you were born to love.

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Current Wil$on Story: Prank Wars
by Mike Hart

Wil$on and I had had quite a bit of vodka….. ….and I passed out at some point just after the game. I woke up not long after and Wil$on had put shaving cream on my knees and had shaved parts of my legs. So I was like…ok…ok whatever. Then I went out to the kitchen to get some pizza that guy was cooking and Wil$on came out with a squirt gun and starting squirting me in the face. This is now the third unprovoked thing he has done to me by this point. Then he turned to squirt guy in the face and I quickly grabbed a can of “air”. Wil$on turned to get me again and I brought up the can of air, upside down so it squirts that “mist”. You know what Im talking about right? When you turn a can of “air” upside down. Anyway./….got a SOLID blast right in his mouth. Was hilarious. Happened so fast. He turned to get me and i got him good. So he was spitting up sh!t for awhile. Hahahahahah guess it had f*cked up his mouth and he had some chemical taste and could not form spit. Then he said it was sucking his air out of his lungs. Hahahah…..then I went back to his room …he came in and threw a pickle at me and it hit my neck.

So I threw it back at him and it smashed all over his computer monitor. Then some time passed and he came up behind me and smashed pizza all over my head…all in my hair and on my shirt and neck. So…..i did nothing back……waited…..planned. Then awhile later….but not too long, we were drinking Bloody marys…(we had been drinking bloodies the whole time). Wil$on had set his bloody mary down….and was not watching it for a few minutes. I took that opportunity to begin raking my pub!c hair out and putting it In his bloody. I got some good ones too….between the nuts and a$$. Got some raunchy ones. Then stirred them all up in his drink. A bunch of nasty pub!c hair. So….then we are all in the room later…..and I hand him his drink. I HAND HIM his drink..hahahah…and In totally keeping it together……somehow….im a PRO on this one. So he takes a HUGE pull from his straw. And I hold it together!!! And he keeps drinking it!!!! and we are playing tunes on the computer…..hangin out…..and he is still drinking it….. then eventually he has drank it down far enough that there were a decent amount of hair that was sticking to the sides. He happens to look down…HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. All of a sudden I hear… “you mother f*ker!!!” and he begins to cough. I was sobbing. So was guy. And I say…. “i always get the last laugh b!tch!! always!!! Those were from my A$$ f*ker!!” hah and he is leaning over a trash can dry heaving and I’m right next to him sobbing uncontrollably. You really missed one there. Then he would stop for awhile…..but then you could see he was thinking about it again and would spit up and hack more. And you know Wil$on…..has to wear gloves to take out the trash. I cant imagine how much agony the thought that he had drank my pub!c/A$$ hair was putting him through!! Hahahah then he dumped his beer all over me…..but at that point I didn’t care……cause I struck the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I told him I was going to get him good. I said “ill be talking to someone later and they will say what did he do then? And I will say he dumped his beer all over me, but that’s ok, cause I came on his toothbrush later!!” and guy lost it. Wil$on started coughing and dry heaving again……and I sobbed.